Being naked is in no way easy. You can all read my thoughts and feelings online anytime, you can judge them, criticize them or even dismiss them, as the reader you have the power. But on the other end of this wide web, I carefully write my naked. I strip myself down to the bone and stand behind my lap top podium. There I express what it is like to be me. Why? The initial mission was for expression and healing and as I continue, the mission hasn’t changed. I write for my freedom, myself expression and what? What is what? What for me, is to connect with others who may be going through what I am going through. To show that I have the same body parts as them (even males, my penis is on the inside….biology 101). The question remains, what good will it do? Well maybe someday someone will reach out and on that day, I will listen.
Communication is healing. We are creatures of communication and self expression. I pray that through my blogging there will be healing. As I listen, I pray that resolutions will come to me to help me help those that reach out. Although some may judge or dismiss my emotions, I pledge that as a listener I will not dismiss or judge any emotion that is radiated through our exchange. I just want healing, for me and for you. I want revival of our true good nature. I want peace. Ase…(and so it is).
Sunday past was Mother’s Day, the first I have experienced without my mother in her physical form. I spent the days leading to Mother’s Day a bit anxious, everything reminded me of the up and coming holiday. I will admit, those days were not my happiest, but I can testify that through the use of positive thinking; it wasn’t as bad as I imagined. I feel my mother’s presence quite strongly since her transition. As I was driving to work yesterday, I noticed that maybe I even felt her more. She is still my mom just in a different form. As I drove I noticed that she can now be with me, everywhere I go. On my drive, at my bedside, in my kitchen; she is always near and she still has the same spirit. One thing has changed, though she is much more positive. She is my positive voice now. She reminds me of her presence and of the values she raised me with. She is so happy now, every word I receive from her is of pure love and positivity, she has no worries anymore. The only worry I have picked on up from my mother’s spirit is for me not to be sad. She constantly inspires me to feel her as she is now, a happy, healthy angel.
I had my children with me on mother’s day, there was a time that I thought maybe I needed to be alone on that day, but I convinced myself of otherwise and had them with me. They are my blessing; they reminded me that Mother’s day is for me too. They are young so I wasn’t showered with any gifts (that’s okay with me) except for their presence and having them around was healing in itself. After I reminded them that it was in fact mother’s day, my son (the eldest) said; “mom I’m going to be on my best behavior for your day, do you need anything?” Amazing right, and he’s only 5.
After I finished cooking our Sunday meal, and I set their plates of food down in front of them, they looked at each other, then at me and shouted; “happy mother’s day mom!” They keep me sane, I am so grateful to have my children. They kept me strong, and out of the cocoon of sadness I secretly wanted to crawl into. I didn’t wallow in my loss, but rejoiced in my gain. When I had them I gained a family of my own and two very special reasons to celebrate my day, Mother’s day. I love you mom. (Lori Suapaia 1/3/1957-4/2/2014)
*My mom will be laid to rest this weekend. My mother died in Minnesota where she lived all of her life, she was cremated per her request. The ground was too frozen in April when she passed for her urn to be buried. Now that the ground has thawed she will be laid to rest in a beautiful cemetery she chose before her time expired. *
I love you mommy, and I am so proud of you.
May the journey of peace and healing continue for all of us. Remember that everything happens for a reason, it is our purpose to learn those reasons and find joy in their lesson.
Love ya,
Gogo
Communication is healing. We are creatures of communication and self expression. I pray that through my blogging there will be healing. As I listen, I pray that resolutions will come to me to help me help those that reach out. Although some may judge or dismiss my emotions, I pledge that as a listener I will not dismiss or judge any emotion that is radiated through our exchange. I just want healing, for me and for you. I want revival of our true good nature. I want peace. Ase…(and so it is).
Sunday past was Mother’s Day, the first I have experienced without my mother in her physical form. I spent the days leading to Mother’s Day a bit anxious, everything reminded me of the up and coming holiday. I will admit, those days were not my happiest, but I can testify that through the use of positive thinking; it wasn’t as bad as I imagined. I feel my mother’s presence quite strongly since her transition. As I was driving to work yesterday, I noticed that maybe I even felt her more. She is still my mom just in a different form. As I drove I noticed that she can now be with me, everywhere I go. On my drive, at my bedside, in my kitchen; she is always near and she still has the same spirit. One thing has changed, though she is much more positive. She is my positive voice now. She reminds me of her presence and of the values she raised me with. She is so happy now, every word I receive from her is of pure love and positivity, she has no worries anymore. The only worry I have picked on up from my mother’s spirit is for me not to be sad. She constantly inspires me to feel her as she is now, a happy, healthy angel.
I had my children with me on mother’s day, there was a time that I thought maybe I needed to be alone on that day, but I convinced myself of otherwise and had them with me. They are my blessing; they reminded me that Mother’s day is for me too. They are young so I wasn’t showered with any gifts (that’s okay with me) except for their presence and having them around was healing in itself. After I reminded them that it was in fact mother’s day, my son (the eldest) said; “mom I’m going to be on my best behavior for your day, do you need anything?” Amazing right, and he’s only 5.
After I finished cooking our Sunday meal, and I set their plates of food down in front of them, they looked at each other, then at me and shouted; “happy mother’s day mom!” They keep me sane, I am so grateful to have my children. They kept me strong, and out of the cocoon of sadness I secretly wanted to crawl into. I didn’t wallow in my loss, but rejoiced in my gain. When I had them I gained a family of my own and two very special reasons to celebrate my day, Mother’s day. I love you mom. (Lori Suapaia 1/3/1957-4/2/2014)
*My mom will be laid to rest this weekend. My mother died in Minnesota where she lived all of her life, she was cremated per her request. The ground was too frozen in April when she passed for her urn to be buried. Now that the ground has thawed she will be laid to rest in a beautiful cemetery she chose before her time expired. *
I love you mommy, and I am so proud of you.
May the journey of peace and healing continue for all of us. Remember that everything happens for a reason, it is our purpose to learn those reasons and find joy in their lesson.
Love ya,
Gogo